October 04, 2012

Everybody needs a witness

October 04, 2012/ molly balint

Several months ago, I mailed out a stack of kindness cards to brave volunteers. On each card was a random act of "guerilla goodness". I asked anyone who was willing to share their experience of following through on the ideas on the card, here on MommyCoddle.

This email came to me a few weeks ago from my dear friend Sarah of urban.prairie.forest.

Read and be inspired.

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Thank you Molly for sending these out! It has reminded me of this quote though meant in marriage, has inspired me in community...

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage (or dare I say community), you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

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This is what my boom boom! card said, “You know that person you see everywhere? The one you smile at and say hi to everyday on your way to work, on your run or walk, at the grocery store? Next time, introduce yourself and find out their name.” then, to revolutionize it, “each time you see them, say hi using their name.”

We live in a small mountain town outside of a small beach town in northern california. There are a couple of men I see almost every time we drive somewhere. After reading my Boom Boom card I imagined stopping and saying hello to the tall guy who rides his bicycle rain or shine sitting unusually upright. He who does his laundry at the “awesome” laundromat in town verses the “ordinary” one. Or I pictured greeting the man who looks uncannily like Albert Einstein and seems to walk every where he goes. I wondered if maybe we’d bump into him at the library again and I’d have the opportunity to say, ”hello! what is your name?” I hoped for that since it might be freaky if we pulled over on the side of the road so I can step out & ask his name just so the next time we drive by I can roll down the window and call out, “Hi Albert!” (only using his real name, of course).

I found myself in the local natural foods store which we frequent. I see the same people working every time. Usually smile and have small talk, that’s how you roll in a small town. I realized, after reading this Boom Boom card, I didn’t know anyone’s name which brings me to Boom Boom card Subject number 1. Let me describe her for you since I wasn’t A.) brave enough to ask her permission to take a photo and B.) wasn’t stealth enough to hide at the end of an aisle & secretly take one. Ali has brown hair, stick straight and down to her waist (though recently she bleached it platinum blonde). She is probably mid-twenties, likes to sit outside the back of the store on her break for a cigarette, smiles after you smile first. She has her right brow pierced and beautiful doe like eyes. She was checking out my groceries when I introduced myself and asked her name. I see her almost every visit to the grocery store. Now, I say hello and call her by name. Interesting, she smiles before I do.

Subject number 2.

Thursday night, after a full day in town, we were making our last stop for late night burritos after hip hop class. There before me is the “Highway 9 Hitchhiker.” We’ve never picked him up before, but our friend Dan used to when he would borrow our car. We could tell because there would be the left over smell of old cigarette smoke seeped into the seats and everytime we’d pass him on the road he would smile, turn and prepare to walk to our pulled over car only to discover our car wasn’t slowing down to give him a ride, I could see it in the rear view mirror. It wasn’t for a number of weeks after Dan moved away that Eddie would just give us the usual thumbs up and wave as we passed by. The same signal he gives everyone that keeps on going. So here he is in front of me at the taqueria so I ask him his name. I tell him that he is often seen traveling between our small towns in the valley we live. I ask him how long he has lived in this area and he tells me over twenty years. He is full of smiles, his eyes light up, he laughs because he thinks my husband and I wear matching glasses. His name is Eddie Nelson and I know that now for when our windows are down on our way through town we can call out, “hello Eddie” as we pass him! (no, I am still not going to pick up hitchhikers when alone with my children, even if I know his name...)

Subject number 3.

Back in the natural food store at the check out line. A man who looks younger than I believe he is stands working with an eternal twinkle in his eye. We usually have more than a little small talk. He will tell me about his other job or ask what my girls and I were up to...not just how is your day, but more direct questions. He is very friendly, permeates a sort of peace, calm and light. It’s time to grab the bag and walk out so I quickly introduce myself & ask him his name. Off we go... A few days later I pop in to grab some ice cream for my girls. It’s become a Friday tradition with a few friends. One of the other momma’s chooses a different check out line and I joke that it’s a race. In my slightly competitive nature my energy is quick and I’m glancing over at my friend. I thanked ________* for checking us out and took the ice cream to leave. He said, “have a great day Sarah!” I stopped turned around and smiled. It felt so nice to be seen, to be remembered, to be known. That feeling is something I want to return. Though his name had slipped my mind at the time, thankfully he gave his business card to my husband so I can pull a Nancy Drew and return the kindness he showed me.

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Since arbitrarily becoming subject number three myself, I have been even more determined to return the favor of seeing others and using their name. David* who was intended to be subject number three consistently uses my name. I actually thanked him and told him about this little project. He smiled and with such gratitude thanked me back for sharing that with him. I have seen Eddie and Ali each week since (except when we were out of town) and have had ample opportunity to use their names and say hello. Just last week Eddie posed for a photo outside the taqueria where we met. I've become sweet friends with some of the families at dance and look forward to the two hours of waiting because now it's not just waiting, it's catching up. We have yet to meet upright sitting bicycle man or Albert Einstien, but are prepared for a greeting for when that time arrives.

Say hello, ask people their names, see & be seen. You might be surprised but most importantly, everybody needs a witness.

June 30, 2012

Happy Birthday to me

June 30, 2012/ molly balint

A post from Mary:

It's my birthday today. And like my father, I have never really wanted a big she-bang every year. This year was one of those more significant milestones, and my husband was so kind to ask me if I wanted to do it up in big party fashion. I wasn't interested. I like the created by the kids type celebrations. The breakfasts in bed, where you hardly get a bite before everyone is all over your tray.

But there was one routine event on each birthday, that I grew accustomed to and now sorely miss. It was that call from my grandmother. It's no secret how special she was to me, my sister, and many others. Never forgetting your day, her sing songy rendition of Happy Birthday, a call packed with love and praises for who I was and how special I was to her. It has been something I have greatly missed the past few birthdays.

Last year, for my birthday, my sister gave me a cutting from my grandmother's beautiful Gardenia. The huge potted plant-tree, was put out on the patio all summer and then brought inside for the cold months. It was a regular fixture at her house. Even in the dispersal of her estate, it was claimed by an uncle and lives in his home now. I was thrilled to receive a cutting from it. I have it in my bedroom window. It has grown some, but I was worried it wasn't thriving. A few weeks ago, i was happy to see some new buds on it.

And today, on the morning of my birthday, I parted the curtains to let some of the sun in and saw one single fresh bloom, newly opened.

A birthday message from above. Just for me.

June 20, 2012

hello, girls

June 20, 2012/ molly balint

There's an old VHS video clip I have of my grandmother, walking out to her sheep in the pasture, "Hello, girls." she calls to them in that voice I miss hearing. Immediately, they respond--a mix of warbled baa's from lambs who have their lips pressed to the earth ripping out clumps of grass and others strong and clear who already noticed her coming. Deep throaty baa's of mama ewes who know her voice so well.

My first lamb, when I was eight years old, came from my Grandmother's flock of Hampshires, Dorsets and Southdowns. I remember well, picking out Buttons that day. I picked him not because he was going to win blue ribbons in my first county fair, but because he came up to me and started nibbling and tugging at the hem of my sweater. He had been one of her bottle-fed projects. Now he would ride home with me purely for the fact that we'd become immediate friends. Standing in that barn while sheep and lambs swirled around us and a border collie crouched anxiously outside the gate.

For the next ten years I would show lambs in 4-H and state fairs. We'd win some years. Other years we'd learn lessons the hard way--like never tie your lambs to Japanese Ewe bushes while they wait in line to be sheared. All will be lost.

When I would graduate and go off to college, my mother would still keep a few lambs on the farm. She loved them as much as we did. She was the sheep lady whenever she'd speak at churches, garden clubs, and women's groups.

But eventually, the farm would be sold. I'd get married. And have children of my own.

But somewhere in the back of my mind, maybe the back of my heart, I'd dream and hope for the day, when things would fall in to place again. When the time would come again, when my children would get their first lambs.

Once we moved to Thomas Run, I'd try to figure out ways to make it work. Ways to afford the fencing we didn't have anywhere. The buildings we'd need, that didn't seem to exist.

Then a pony would come in to the picture and horse fence would go up. Fence that wouldn't work for lambs. And I thought maybe we'll end up being horse people. Maybe lambs won't be their thing. The pony was definitely meant to be.

My husband, who likes to remind me of how I should just trust him on this, has always said that I need to just sit back and wait. That the right things, at the right time, will fall into our laps. The doors will open when we're ready. When the time is right. We needent force anything.

So I sat back. And waited. Sometimes I let it go. Other times a sight or sound or memory would make me want to work and work to make lambs happen again.

But then, in a matter of weeks, the door would open. Out of nowhere. I'd look at a building on our farm in a completely different way and suddenly see potential. I'd get drawn into a conversation at a 4-H meeting that would get me thinking. I'd make one mention of it out loud, that I almost didn't say, because it just seemed too impossible to admit.

Then, there'd be an email.

And here we are a few months later.

I waited. Not always patiently, I admit. But now it's here. It's happening. And it couldn't have arrived in any better of a package. At any more perfect of a moment.

I am in love. We all are.

Hello, girls. Hello.

June 13, 2012

an end and a beginning

June 13, 2012/ molly balint

I was planning to sit down at my computer this morning and write a post about all our goings on...

But instead I find myself sitting down at this screen with tear stained cheeks.

Emma lost her cat Henry this morning. We found him on the road in front of our house just a few hours ago. He was the cat that came with us from Wisconsin, to live in the apartment on my grandparent's farm when we moved to Maryland, and finally here to Thomas Run. He was the first of what has grown into many pets and animals and cats for our family. But he was always there. Showing up at every morning round of chores. We are so heart-broken.

But with every end their is a new beginning.

There is a story that I have been waiting to tell all of you. Anxiously holding the news close to my heart for the last two months as details have been worked out. But I also knew that it wasn't my story to tell first.

I hope you'll take a moment to read Sarah's words, and learn of the new and the good for our family. And what brings tears of gratitude to my eyes this morning as well.

Sorrow and wonder, all in the same breath.

(We are heading to the ocean...Dan is caring for the animals, and diving into some variety of house projects while we are away. More from me next week.)

xo, my friends.

Molly

May 30, 2012

Instagram in print

May 30, 2012/ molly balint

There are a lot of things on my list of "Things I wish I was more diligent about". One of those is keeping track of our days in a more everyday way. There's the five year journal I've started and stopped. The 365 projects I've never signed on for. The Project Life series I've never been brave enough to try.

Then there's the notion of my grandmother's scrapbooks kept for her family of 15, full of report cards, doctor's bills, greeting cards, family letters--years and years worth of big, overstuffed leather-bound scrapbooks.

The other thing on my more diligent list is printing pictures. I take a ton of pictures. And now with this shiny little iPhone in my hand, I take even more. But I never, ever print. When Emma was a baby and there was no such thing as digital cameras, I took and printed pictures. Slipped them into albums, captioned each, wrote a few lines, memories. And now the album is falling apart with use and love.

Then, there's Instagram. While I don't do anything so organized as post every day or try to capture anything in particular, it has naturally evolved into this beautiful collection of special moments in my family's day. A trip out, the way they're sitting together at the kitchen table, a typical day running errands, a special moment at the stream. It's unrehearsed. Unposed. Natural. And, honestly, above all, convenient.

So when I recently discovered that Blurb has a bookmaking process that sucks all the photos in your *Instagram stream, right onto the pages of a book I was intriguied. And late one night when there were a million things to do but this thing, I decided to see what it was like.

It was simple. I put them in my book in chronological order. Deleted and moved around a few that I didn't want in there, and basically held by breath and hit publish.

But here's the thing. Just like my personal discovery that my moleskine journal needed to stop being what I thought it should be, and could just be what I needed it to be, I applied that same thinking to this book. I've thought about doing photobooks before but have gotten stuck on the idea of design, captions, and making it perfect.

But while I wanted to see these photos in print, in something my kids could hold in their hands and flip through, I also wanted my personal imprint to be on the pages. So I decided to print every page with nothing else but a photo.

Now with the (beautifully published) book in hand, I'm adding my imprint to the book in the form of captions and dates in my own **handwriting.

And honestly, it's exactly what I wanted. It's turned into the perfect balance of my photographs plus my own hand. Something that I hope my kids will love to flip through and read and enjoy for years to come.

And I hope there will be more.

Once again, I let go of what everyone else was doing, what I thought I should be doing and gave myself the freedom to do what I wanted and needed to do. I needed it to be simple. I wanted it to be personal. And I found a way to capture both.

I'm so happy with the way it's turning out.

*I'm mollybalint on Instagram. Come find me!

**The pen I'm using is this one, which also happens to be my favorite pen, which also happens to be the pen I use in my moleskine, which also happens to be perfect for this as well.